Your Maturity
by YugiohFanfic26
Summary: Johan broke up with Judai for an obscure reason that he can't take Judai's maturity. Judai can't understand, Johan understands him before and accepts him, why he can't now? What does Judai doing wrong?
1. Payment

SPIRITSHIPPING!!!

I'll sleep after I finish typing this! I know my sleep would be peaceful when I just came from typing a SPIRITSHIPPING fiction.

Oh, this pairing affects me a LOT!!!

I'm back!!! I'm alive!!! I'm with a new story!!!

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of its characters and I'm happy its Kazuki Takahashi's anime.

Proudly saying! I'm a Yu-Gi-Oh! R/GX/5D'S fan for life and eternity!

Hope you enjoy! ^_^

**Chapter 1 – Payment**

"Go to sleep Johan…" Judai whispers after he kissed Johan on the forehead.

"Do I have to?" Johan slightly pouted, pulling the covers up to him.

Judai sighs, "Don't play dumb Johan, you know you have to or you'll not be in a better shape."

"You won't sleep with me?" Johan asked, looking with pleading eyes on Judai.

"I actually want to…" Judai whines.

Johan's eyes lightens up as he raises the covers enough for Judai to slip in. "Then come on!" he pats the bed. "Lay here!"

"Johan, I'm sorry, but I admit I want to but if we're in Duel Academy's clinic I would sleep with you. But, sorry to say, we're in Domino Hospital. Somebody could see us…"

"So what?" Johan pouts

"So what?" Judai sighs, "Hey… you know the reason Johan."

"Yeah, of course I know." Judai sighed in relief in the thought of their little argument finishing. Johan frowns and looked away. "That's another thing you got from maturity, isn't it?"

"Johan… I know you understand…" Judai said feeling guilty, feeling his shoulders fall a bit, looking desperate.

Johan turns his body to a side, his back facing Judai. "I miss the old Judai…" he mumbles to himself, it was only audible enough for Judai to hear, though.

Judai looks away, feeling that Johan couldn't accept the new him. "You always say that… It makes me think that… you don't want me anymore." He felt his heart constrict when Johan didn't reply a word.

Johan doesn't reply because it's true he misses the old Judai… so much. Because it's the Judai he loved. But he was willing to accept the new Judai, even though he doesn't know how. Everything is just… new.

Judai sighs, not feeling comfortable and bored of this current issue. He felt like doing this, something that would felt like mature, something that old Judai won't do. He wanted to make Johan realize that new Judai is better. He looks at the disappointed body on the bed. "Want to cool off?"

Judai was shock when Johan suddenly turn around and sit up and looks at him with anger in his green-eyes. "So you're the one who doesn't want this relationship anymore!"

Judai calmly lean over to Johan, raising his arms forward slightly to an explaining gesture. "I just want us to think - "

"And realize that gay relationships are illegal?" Johan finished, anger lacing more to his voice. "I know you're maturity gave you that idea! That you should always follow your mind and not the heart!"

"Johan, that doesn't count."

"Of course it is!" Johan said in a high pitch voice. "I know where you are heading Judai! I know you are matured enough; you are thinking what is illegally wrong and legally right. I know you want to break up with me because adults think right! Adults think straight! And their gender should be straight!" Johan pants after his ranting, he looks at Judai who is shamefully avoiding his gaze. It pained Johan more, so does it mean he is right? Judai want to break up? "You should have realized it before…" Johan looks at his left, smiling angrily. "…before you told me you love me…" Johan roll his eyes with his head to look at Judai. "Men… you should have think twice when you told me you'll _never _change… _whatever _happens."

Judai looks at Johan, still keeping himself calm "Johan… changes can never be stop. I have grown, got it? But even though I know our relationship is really… forbidden… I… want us to be with each other forever." Judai eyes soften. "You know I love you…"

"Is that the same love you presented to me before?" Johan stare at Judai's eyes, searching for the love he always see in those eyes, the joy those eyes always gave him, the strength it passes. All sudden it was lesser, where's the pure and innocent love? Where's Judai?

Judai sat beside Johan and tries to kiss him on the lips but Johan turn his head away to avoid Judai. "I still love you like before."

Johan closes his eyes. "I was expecting another answer." Judai gave him a questioning look.

"What do you want me to say?"

Johan shut his eyes firmer because his emotions are getting to his eyes he knows he will cry. But he had to make a decision. Judai sounded so mature, Johan feels like he wasn't fit for him anymore. Judai acts so straight, so serious. He should make the first move. He felt his heart stop as the words gets freedom when he spoke it. "I want to break up."

"Johan, you don't want that!" Judai hollered, his eyes widened, as fear of losing Johan sprawled all over his body.

Johan stare at him with firm, serious-looking eyes, "It's a matured decision Judai…" then he lie on his hospital bed and cover his whole body with the covers of his bed.

Judai was shocked in all possible. Johan just made a decision… the same way Judai thinks he was doing? "A-are you sure?" Judai anxiously asked, knowing full well that if he was really a matured guy, he must respect Johan's decision.

"I'm sure." Johan replied firm without even making a single motion.

Judai sighs to make himself calm. He knows his eyes are staring to get blur; knowing exactly what will his eyes will do on the near moment. "I… just remember… Johan…" he choked, surprising himself and knowing Johan was surprise too, having to be seen the little body response of his _former_ lover. "If you will change your mind… I'll be waiting…"

Johan closed his eyes, allowing his tears to completely stream from his eyes.

"I love you Johan…" Judai whispers and walks out on the room, his head on bows, not wanting for anyone to see how sad and empty he looked.

Johan let out his voice to sob. He regret so much the decision he made. Because he still loves Judai deeply. He still loves him more than his life. "Judai… I'm sorry…" But he knows Judai will learn from it someday. And someday he wishes he will be beside him again.

Outside Johan's room, Judai leans on the wall sliding down to the floor, staring blanking at the white ceiling of the hospital. He let his tears stream down to his face, to his cheeks and drip down from his chin.

Is this the payment for his maturity?

… Losing Johan …

**Chapter one is done… Don't Kill Me!!! ^_^**

Yep, it's sad! I feel really sorry for Judai and Johan because I love them both so much!!! And their relationship is very important for me!!!

Oh! But I like drama! I think I'm good on that category.

Prove me wrong or prove me right in your reviews!!!

Read and review ^_^ Thank you…

And on the next chapter you'll know why Johan was sent to Hospital.


	2. Reminisce

SPIRITSHIPPING!!!

I am too misses the innocent Judai of Season 1 to Season 3 even though the Season 4 Judai is too hot to handle.

I miss the sweet and fun-loving Judai. Sighs… And his bright smile that makes my day happy and makes me smile too.

**Simple Reply:**

For those who did not like this fiction. Thank you for the criticism, I'll say that could help on my writing though it sulks me in depression a little. Well, so, if you have anything more to say to correct me. I'll gladly take it as an advice. It will surely help so I can try and avoid doing that mistake again. I will be happy if you would review again and maybe criticize this chapter. I want to know if there is an error again. Probably, there is, but I don't know what, because I am not a perfect author. If you wonder why I place this to the upper part, it is for the reason that it is also thanks. Because I learn something, SWEAR!!!

And thank you to all who reviewed!!! It is my first fiction that attained two digits number of reviews on the first chapter.

Oh, your reviews on chapter 1 are gifts for me too. Thank you very much!!! Well, if you think it can't be consider as a gift, for me it is. It is special of course!!!

(26-03-94) Birthday!!!

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of its characters and I'm happy its Kazuki Takahashi's anime.

Proudly saying! I'm a Yu-Gi-Oh! R/GX/5D'S fan for life and eternity!

Hope you enjoy! ^_^

**Chapter 2 – Reminisce**

What hurts Judai the most now is the realization that he and Johan were no longer a couple. Meaning that Johan could be owned by somebody else, be with somebody else and the worse is, Johan might love somebody else more than him. It was horrific to know that his new self separates him and Johan, but it was darkness didn't succeed separating them, thus make their relationship stronger. But why his new self? Judai fully remembers that his change didn't affect them before. But why now? Is Johan affected long time ago? Or there is just something done wrong? Completely confuse, Judai let out a deep and tired sigh. Yubel felt his discomfort and knew exactly what happened between Judai and Johan. He shows up beside the sad Judai staring on the sea.

"_Confuse?"_

"Obvious?"

"_Would you try apologizing to your dear one? Or ask him what was wrong?"_

"Yubel… everything was awkward now. For ones I think I can't understand Johan." He squat down and hug his knees. "I don't know what's wrong with me either."

"_He maybe just angry because you don't want to lay with him." _Yubel said trying to make the reasons light for the inconsolable Judai.

Judai thought for it a while, trying to convince himself too, but Johan wasn't that low. "That wasn't an enough reason for him to break up with me." Judai looks slowly up to Yubel. "Do you think… he was tired of me… tired of the new me all the time?"

Yubel stared for a while at Judai's lonely eyes, even though, his features were matured, his eyes still held the innocence it has before with a little knowledge to some things though. He looks away, not wanting to see Judai's lonely expression more. _"Judai… you know the reason I let you keep your relationship with Johan is because I know he will understand and accept you no matter what. Try looking back at your actions before, you might find the answer why."_

"What if I didn't find any?"

"_You'll find… if you didn't find anything wrong at yourself, the problem must be on Johan."_

Judai thought for it. "I have to understand him."

"_That's right. Just don't give up like me, who didn't give up on you." _Yubel smiled.

Judai smiled back.

"_But don't try and merge the twelve dimensions just in order to bring Johan back to yours." _Yubel said in a kind of teasing way.

Judai chuckles a bit. "I won't, if I do that, Johan might never want to be with me anymore." And the thought pained him. "Well, I suppose I should… reminisce." Yubel nodded and turn his head to his left.

"_Hey, your croc owner friend is here."_

"Hey Judai!" Judai turn around and saw Jim advancing to him. "I was going to visit Johan. But I saw you here in the docks."

Jim gave a smile but only face with a sad Judai. "There is something going on." Jim said. "I assume you must be with Johan but…"

Judai gulped, hanging his head low, "We broke up…"

"Huh?" Jim looked at his friend with a confuse look, but he has a gist of what he meant though.

Judai hang his head low and sat on the cold floor. "Johan…" he shut his eyes tight, forcing the stubborn liquid to stay on the edge of his eyes. But these liquids are so immovable, that even the Supreme king himself cannot control. It fell down. "…he broke up with me…"

Jim made a small gasp, quickly comprehending words to sooth his friend. His expression was shock, never thought to hear those things. He remained quiet.

Judai hugs his knees, burying his head on his arms, trying to console the pain. But no attempt succeeds. He continues to cry, his quiet pained sound floating along the wind. Invisible, but you can feel it.

After a moment of being quiet, Jim's curiosity risen up, remembering the query he wanted to ask to Judai when he came. "I will not ask you exactly what happen."

"Good," Judai said "because I won't tell. You have the important information now, just leave me alone."

Jim let out a sigh; of course he knows Judai won't really tell for now. They are still fresh and it will pain Judai more to remember. "But would you let me know why Johan was sent to the hospital?" Judai visibly shiver. "You didn't tell us exactly what happened."

"He had a convulsion, so he was sent to the hospital."

Jim stared at Judai with a confuse look. "Johan wouldn't let himself be on that state."

Judai let out an exasperating sigh, stands up wagging the pit of his pants and wipe his tears. "Yeah, I know." Judai force a smile. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you that it's my fault."

"W-what?" Jim shrugged a bit, making a shock face. _"When Judai let Johan be sick?"_

Judai stare far on the sea, reminiscing what just happen yesterday. "Last night, Johan called me to meet up with him in front of a game station here in Domino City. He said he was bored and wants to have fun after that unexpected summer school work. After all, I didn't see him that morning because we both got into something important. When I saw Johan I already know he was sick, but he said it was just a slight fever and insist that he wants to spend time with me, than to lay back on his room all day."

"_And besides, I would feel better if I am with you." Johan gave a little laugh._

_Judai smiles, "But I should tell you to just rest; we'll just meet up again tomorrow when you feel good."_

"_Don't have to, I would just feel guilty for that. And I want to visit a card shop here at Domino before I get back to Europe."_

_Judai hugs Johan on the waist and place a hand on Johan's forehead._

"_Come on Judai, you know I only got one week left here in Japan before vacation is over." Johan said in a pleading tone. "I would be fine, I swear. I would just tell you if I don't feel good."_

_Judai stare into Johan's eyes with a strict look. Johan stared back with loving eyes. Judai gave up. He sighs. "Alright, before you get back to Europe into that damn thesis."_

"_YAY!" Johan cheered and ran to the card shop across the street almost got hit by a speeding car._

_Judai sighed in relief when found Johan was safe and ran to him. Johan, who only got awe when felt the wind of the car, wait patiently for Judai. He received a worried glare._

"_Aw, come on Judai. I was just excited that's all. I'm not even scratched by that car."_

"_Your impulsiveness puts you to danger Johan, your nineteen, you should be more careful." Judai said, a little louder than he intended._

_Johan understands Judai was just worried about him. But he didn't like Judai pointing his impulsiveness actions on blame. He pouts, turning around while mumbling. "Yeah, like you're not getting all trouble before because of your impulsiveness." He enters the card shop not even inviting his boyfriend to come with him. Judai don't have to realize Johan was offended, he knows. He felt guilty, making Johan frown, is the one thing he hate the most to happen. He wanted to apologize, but, a mature guy has one word and, he was sure what he said was right._

_After visiting card shops and buying new cards, Judai and Johan spent time in a bookstore. Judai didn't look to any book. Not because he is not interested into books, it is because he was looking at Johan. Being wanted to be aware if he will ever feel bad or not, after the little incident about the car they haven't talk much. Judai had been asking Johan on what he feels. Johan will answer that he's alright with a bright smile. Then after some time, Johan hugged Judai on the back and place his chin on Judai's shoulder, sighing tiredly. "You're not feeling well?"_

"_No," Johan whines "I just didn't find the book I needed."_

"_We'll just try to look on the other bookstores tomorrow, for now, let's rest." He pulled his left sleeve to look at his watch. "It's nine o'clock; probably this bookstore will be closing." Judai raised an eyebrow. "I don't know why they are still open at these times."_

"_Business Judai," Johan answered._

"_Come on, I'll take you home."_

"_Could we stay at the park for a little while?" Johan asked, "Please, even only for five minutes. I just want to be there for a while."_

"_For a little while only,"_

_Johan smile and kissed Judai's cheek as thanks and they went to the park. They sit silently on the swings, having silence as their background. The silent wasn't awkward, it was something of relaxing. Until, Johan felt something drop on his nose. He easily figured out it was water. He gingerly looked up to the sky, expecting rain to come. But unlike Johan, Judai isn't please when he felt the drop. It would mean they will get wet and since Johan is a little sick, his condition might be worse. He hold Johan's hand and start to pull him out of the swing._

"_Let's go Johan, it's going to rain."_

"_Won't we wait till it comes?" Johan said with cheerful smile, making Judai look at him confused. "We could play with the rain like we used to."_

_If Judai didn't know Johan, he will think he is insane. Knowing that Johan is not feeling well; playing the rain would do no good to him. "Our cards would get wet; you don't want them to have any damages do you?" Johan nodded "And me too, and to add, you're not feeling well."_

"_We could put our cards on that cottage over there." Johan pointed the small cottage not far from them, "Or we could put them under the trees like we used to."_

_Judai let out a sigh, knowing full well that Johan will insist. "Johan… do I need to remind you? You're not feeling well and playing in the rain would make you feel worse."_

_The rain started to fall, faster than they both imagine. He pulled Johan by the hands but Johan pulled back._

"_Johan it's raining!" Johan just smiled and quickly run to the cottage to put his deck into a dry place. Judai followed and push Johan to enter the cottage._

"_Hey, I want to play with the rain." Johan complain, stepping outside but failed as Judai grabbed his arms. Johan looked over his shoulder._

"_How many times do I have to tell you –?"_

"_I know! It's raining!" Johan glared, but soon it faded and become a warm smile. "Let's play with the rain Judai, like we used to."_

_That smile sends a warm feeling over Judai's cold flesh, it always makes him stun and wonder how beautiful Johan could smile, like now. Judai realize that he loose hold of Johan, who was now playing with the rain, running around like a child, laughing with the drops falling on his features. It looked so cute, Judai could have watched all along, but remembering Johan's health and his impulsiveness before. He thinks Johan would be in a bad situation if he continues acting that way._

"_Come on Judai!" Johan called happily, waving at the same time. "The rain feels good!"_

"_Johan, get back here, you'll be really sick if you continue playing there!"_

"_Well, would you like to play along with me? Let's play tag!" Johan shouted on the cheeriest voice he could make._

_Judai looked at Johan with a disbelieve look on his face, "Are you joking? That's childish!"_

_Johan cast an angry glare on Judai, that reply shock him to the edge. He never expected to hear it from Judai. Thinking that Judai never had changed, it was something that seems very new to him. The Judai he sees, it seems it wasn't Yuki Judai, all different. Of course he knew Judai got matured and in some ways he change. He can't help but think that Judai is pushing himself to maturity. A bad push, that results for him to lose control. Like trying to drive a race car very fast, the engine overheats and was broken. All sudden, the driver cannot control it anymore._

_Johan folded his arms in front of his chest. He frowns, "I'll stay here in the rain."_

"_What?!" Judai sighs, "No, you won't." Judai place his cards on the table and run to Johan._

_Johan being alert on Judai's actions, run away from him, laughing as he does so. "Come on Judai, catch me!"_

_Admit it or not, Judai found the laugh really amusing but will still firm and won't play 'rain-running'. Judai quicken his pace and was able to grab Johan's arm. Judai thought Johan will try to let go but he didn't. Instead, he turned around and hug Judai in the warmest embrace his body could give in this cold time._

_Judai wanted to resist the urge to hug Johan back. He will pull back but his feelings wouldn't allow him. At this moment, heart control his mind. The way it is suppose to be right?_

_Just being this close to Johan gives him the happiness only true love can give. The way Johan's arm is wrapped around his body, is something to make him realize again. He never will let Johan go. He will hold him forever._

_But happy moments end…_

_Judai felt Johan loosening his arms around him and he was feeling weight. He pulled back to see that Johan is unconscious. Panic is starting to rise within him. "Johan!" he called, trying to wake him up, but it was ineffective at all._

"_**Take him to the hospital, NOW!"**_

_He doesn't have to know who it was. He quickly followed it, but not before he got their cards. When they got to the hospital, by riding a cab, a doctor quickly checked Johan in a comforting hospital room._

_When the doctor came out from the double-door, Judai practically jump in front of him and ask questions about Johan's health._

"_He fainted because of high-fever." The doctor said._

"_I know that! I'm asking if he is alright!" Judai said, his voice was demanding but it was obvious that he was worried._

"_Calm down,"_

"_I don't have time to calm down!"_

"_He is alright now. His temperature is starting to get back to normal. He should stay in the hospital until he got well, okay?"_

_Judai breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay, can I see him?"_

_The doctor nodded and Judai followed him to Johan's room, having the guilt it was his fault._

"I don't think it was your entire fault mate." Jim said, "Johan knows he is not feeling well but he still played in the rain. He should know himself better."

"Don't blame him!" Judai shouted, then again his face turns lonely. "If I didn't hug back, you know, I should have warned him better. I should have… taken care of him better!" Judai's hand fist closes more. "I'm a -"

"Stop!" Jim shouted, making Judai look at him with a blank expression on his face. "I think I know why Johan broke up with you."

"You do?" Judai asked, having the hope that Jim will be able to help him, to fix whatever that problem is, to be able to get back to Johan.

"Yeah, I think it is with you."

**Chapter two is done… SO AWFUL… **

I have it written badly!!! I can feel it!!!

Prove me wrong or prove me right in your reviews!!!

Now, I will prepare myself for the reviews. Hopefully there are reviews right?

Read and review ^_^ Thank you…

And on the next chapter a change of settings will be planned and if Jim can help Judai.


	3. Time

Oh wow. Long time no update of this story. I'm getting back on track!

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of its characters.

Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Constructive criticisms are welcome.

**Chapter 3 – Time**

"Are you going to tell me?" Jim bit his lip as he look thoughtfully on the depressed brunette who had hope in his eyes.

Jim sits beside Judai. "It's… It's just you…"

"You already told me that." Judai snapped.

"No…" Jim let out an exasperated sigh. "Should I tell you?"

Judai whips his head to glare at Jim, eyes slightly changing into two colors. "Of course you should! If you won't give me any help, eat your own pity!"

"Judai, I do pity you – "

"Then go!" Judai shouted. "I can stand on my own two feet! I'm not like a baby who needs help to rise!"

Jim snorts but not a happy one. "You're acting too old though."

"Are you mocking me?"

Jim didn't answer, instead he stare at his friend's eyes, hoping to see the thing he is losing but please, Jim hopes, not lost.

Judai nods his head making a decision to not retort to Jim. He decided mature adult people would ignore other person's pity and mockery. "I'll go." He stands up without anymore words and starts to leave.

But Jim decided he will help, and even in the most obscene way he will. There are things people need to realize on their own. "Why Johan loves you?"

Judai didn't dare to move.

"Remember why." with that Jim stands up and walks past him without a goodbye. _Why?_

_A hand-made rainbow colored card is pressed up very close to Judai's face as he read the words in it slowly. "…Blue for being a cool sun around of people, you give people warmth without hurting anyone.."_

"_Judai!" Johan hissed, his face tinted bright red. "Don't read it out loud!"_

_Judai looks up to Johan, confusion obvious on his face. "But we're alone here in the rooftop; I can actually shout and no one will hear."_

_Johan squeaked and the idea of Judai reading the things he wrote out loud embarrass him, though it makes his heart warm somehow. "I wrote embarrassing stuffs."_

"_There's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Judai quickly ran to the edge of the roof top. Johan tried to stop his boyfriend but Judai is quicker than him. Judai begin to read the last part out loud. "You have the confidence to be never ashamed of yourself." Judai continues feeling smug at Johan's protest on the background and feeling utterly warm at the words he's reading. "You are proud of what you have. You never force yourself to change into what will please people. You are simply yourself."_

"_Judai!" Johan shouted. He stands up and marches to Judai. "I told you. People can hear you!" He grabbed the card out of Judai's grasp. He receives a very sweet smile from Judai that made his heart warm and fly._

_Judai embraced Johan and gave him a peck on the lips before telling him the last words on the card. "I love you. Never change."_

_Johan is very sure he's a red as Ruby's eyes. The flapping flock of butterflies on his stomach sure feels good. And he hopes this will never end. "Do you promise?" Judai blinks._

"_Promise what?"_

"_Tha-that you'll never change?" Johan continues before Judai can answer. "I know that… people do change uncontrollably… I mean, someday… you might be taller than me." He saw his boyfriend grin up to ear. "That's impossible though." Judai's face fell and then he pouts. Johan give him a sheepish smile. "The rainbow inside you… should never change because… because it's beautiful Judai." His heart fluttered when Judai's cheeks tinged pink and his mouth formed a sweet curve._

"_I'm tan."_

_It's Johan's turn to pout. "I'm not talking about your _gorgeous _form." He laughs at Judai's confused stare._

"_Is that supposed to be a joke?" Johan didn't answer._

_He pointed at Judai's chest where the heart is supposed to be located. "You…are a beautiful rainbow inside…" He pinches Judai's arms making the brunette yelp. "And a beautiful tan outside."_

_Johan admired the way Judai's eyes speak. It simply reflects what he feels. There's wonder in those eyes. Always willing to explore and learn new things, eyes that show confidence and care. The eyes that tell you to not be afraid to show what you have and what you do if it is from the sincere and pure part of your heart. The eyes Johan love the most. The eyes he could stare at forever._

_Suddenly, Judai's eyebrows furrowed. "Am I gorgeous or what?"_

_Johan rose a teasing eyebrow "Let me contemplate that."_

"Well, that didn't help." Judai muttered bitterly, he kicks a stray can out of his way. "It made all of this more depressing." He decided he would just go back to his apartment. He and Johan stays in two different apartments since Judai insist that he will be a disturbance to Johan if he is doing anything school or work related when Judai needs to rescue a spirit. "Memories…" Judai grimaced. "Memories of my immature self." Judai stops his own tracks and his grimace turned into sadness. "Maybe I'm not mature enough, maybe… maybe that's the reason Johan…Johan broke up with me." He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. "I'm not mature enough."

He continues his march to his apartment feeling more down than he had earlier. He practically slams his door shut and ungracefully throws his clothes onto the floor, not caring the slightest where it went. After slipping a new shirt, he groans and started picking up his scattered clothes. He needs to be neat. Mature adults are neat.

He fell asleep; hoping today is just a dream.

Judai woke up around 7 in the morning, just in time to hear his phone ringing, signaling an incoming call. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and flips it open. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Hello?"

"_Judai, good morning, I hope."_

As if all of his energy jumped back at him, Judai sit up on his bed, feeling the warm emotion he is having whenever he hears Johan's voice.

"_Judai… Judai?"_

He wanted to listen to the voice all day but he got to let Johan knows he's there. "Johan," He remembered the last night's events and something pierce into his heart. Johan's well-being always goes first. "Are you feeling okay now? Why are you calling? You must be feeling tired. Do you need anything?"

He heard a soft giggle from Johan at the other end of the phone. He can't help but smile on his own. _"I'm fine, Judai, in fact, I'm going back to my apartment."_

"You are?"

He heard Johan giggled again. _"I just said I'm going back to my apartment."_

Judai feels his face heating up. "Yeah, well…" There are like those times again, those times where they would call each other dorms away. Making each other laugh, making each other smile, making each other feel sheepish and making each other feel love. "Do you need help?" Things are like before.

"_Judai, I don't have full blown clothes here. I can manage."_

Things are like before. Just like how he will make excuses to be near Johan. "Well, I just wanted to make sure…" Johan cut him off.

"_Judai…"_ He heard Johan sighing on the other end. _"I don't want to make you feel anymore awkward than it already had been." _Maybe things are not like before, usually, Johan will jump at the opportunities to be with Judai himself.

Judai flops back to his bed, running a hand over his face. "It's not actually awkward."

"_Is it?"_ Judai nods, then remembering that Johan can't see him, as if on cue Johan speaks. _"It's not awkward… because we had been good friends before..."_

"Before we fell in love." Judai finished for him.

There was a short pause that made Judai held his breath. _"Yes."_ He breathed out. Was there any hope?

"I'll still visit you…we…we are still friends right?" Friend is a really great word, unless you are referring to an ex who you still love very much.

"_Best friends, Judai." _He felt a smile tugging on his lips. Maybe it's just like going back from the start?

"Yeah… don't go before I come there… I have to check you out or something from the hospital."

"_I think you don't need to do that but yeah." _There is this silence that they both used to feel the presence of each other even only on the phone. _"I'll be waiting…"_

"I really hope you will."

They didn't say goodbyes like before. They never say good bye to one another.

As he go on his way to the hospital, his conversation with Johan rerun on his head. And he hopes that Johan understands that he is sincere when he said the word 'hope'. He hopes Johan will wait. He hopes Johan remembers that he said he will wait too. He hopes he will figure this thing sooner. There are lots of things to hope for. He just hopes he's matured enough to face all this.

He wonders if that will even help.


	4. Hindrance

**LONG TIME NO READ PEOPLE**

**A shout for LovelySinner7 :) *hugs***

**Since I took a lot of time to update, no long AU's...**

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of its characters**

**Proudly saying! I'm a Yu-Gi-Oh! R/GX/5D'S fan for life and eternity!**

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Hindrance**

It's probably a bad idea for his heart. He insisted himself that he needs to be a very mature guy and be there for Johan. After all, he was his best friend before all this and he is glad he still is. He just hopes he will not break down and cry and plead on his knees to Johan. That would be shameless and embarrassing, not to mention downright immature.

He took a cab and went to the hospital. There's no need to ask any nurses, he knows where Johan is. You might not even tell him the room number and he will still know where Johan is. Judai laughed at himself. It will be really sweet if he can tell Johan that. He probably still can. Best friends tell each other that they think of one another. It's not like he is forbidden to be sweet at Johan. There are boundaries there though. And how Judai despise those boundaries, if they are still a couple and Judai would tell him that. Johan will giggle, blush, hug him and kiss him. He would probably punch Judai playfully on his arm. That will be so cute! And Judai will kiss him sweetly on the cheek.

Now he misses Johan's lips on his. This doesn't help at all. Not at all.

Now he feels exasperate.

His way to Johan's room was torture, torture in a sense that he has to force himself to smile at everyone walking past him. A tip from a mature guy. Be polite. Always.

And another tip: Always knock. Even if you are going downright worried and anxious in seeing someone you really, _really _love who, by the way, is just from being run down to the hospital. So Judai knocked four times on the door, besides, Johan's feeling well now, but after witnessing his impulsiveness in the rain Judai will not take any chances.

The door opened along with a voice Judai knew so well. "You know, when you are in a hospital, people usually enters without permission."

He smiles. "People do, if they are visiting a bed-ridden or they are either a nurse or a doctor."

"Or you are an important visitor," Johan gestures curtly. "Come in, to my suite."

Judai laughs lightly, "Important visitors need permissions too." He went inside the room and step beside the wall as he watches Johan walk to his bed.

"But they do not have to knock." Judai let the comment slide and stood there with content in seeing Johan far away from his appearance the other night. "You are early."

"Shouldn't I be?"Judai eyebrows furrows. "Should I be late?"

"No, we didn't talk about time anyway."

"I figured." Judai watched Johan get his bag from the bed and sling it on his shoulders. "Well, I guess I'm right. I should have been early." Johan nods, the small sigh that had escaped from his lips didn't go unnoticed by Judai. It made him worried. He probably isn't feeling that well.

"Let's go." His smile faltered when he saw Judai's scrutinizing gaze. "What's up?"

"I'm not sure you're feeling well." Judai said.

Johan smiles at him, it looks strained. "I am sure. I was…" He bit his lip to consider what he wants to say. "I was expecting…" He frowns for a moment and hint of a strong emotion flashed in his eyes. "Never mind" And he smiles, a cover so thin Judai has no doubt it is a lie.

"Whatever it is, it's making you sad." Judai tried to shut down his brain when he heard Johan's forced laugh. It didn't cooperate.

"You are worrying too much."

"If I was, you would not be in this hospital." His stomach lurched when he saw Johan frowned.

"Judai, stop blaming yourself, it isn't your fault. Worrying wasn't going to help anyway." Johan shrugs and walks to the door, wanting to let the conversation diminish, but Judai won't let it just end.

"Well, if I did an action faster…"

"It's alright Judai," Johan stands in front of the door, doorknob in hand. Judai absent-mindedly bit his lip in worry. He has this nagging feeling that Johan's tired of him, tired of being his friend and that's something Judai doesn't want to lose. That's something his hope relies on. "I'm fine."

Judai nods to himself. "Yeah, well…" He's to accept that Johan's health is alright, all he wants to see is his smile. There is it on his face, even though it's not really real. "What's making you sad?"

"I miss dueling." A very easy lie. Judai let it slide.

"Not surprised." His heart breaks when he has to use the smile he practiced for so long to Johan. He believes that every mature people have smiles reserved for just about every occasion—feelings not important. Smiling politely is important.

"Come on then, let's leave my suite."

They didn't even talk while walking out of the hospital. It seems like there's nothing to talk about when they should be talking. Judai is afraid he's loosing his thin grip to Johan. He needs to think of something. He needs to think of something great to say. Mature adults talks, they talk about important things. "The weather is good."

Johan laughs loudly. "That is something out-of-the-blue."

"Yeah, the sky is blue today." Judai feels his face heating up. "Have you watched the news?"

Johan stares at Judai incredulously. "Since when did you watched the news?"

"Everyday!" Somehow Judai feels that a very mature decision of talking about the news is not working, if you don't watch the weather news.

"Okay…" Johan said amusement evident in his voice. "So what did the weather forecaster said?"

"Weather forecaster who?"

"The guy who—" Johan's phone rings. He flipped it open to see the caller I.D. "Have to take this call." Judai nods. "Hello… no… Well, that's bad… Can I send it through e-mail? I need to… Hmm, fine… thank you. Good bye." Johan sighs.

"Is there something wrong?" Judai is feeling dreadful, something is not right and surely, something is not with his side.

"Looks like my stay will not be that long." Oh, yes, something is cut short.

"Why? Who called?" He stepped closer to Johan. He has the urge to take his phone and call whoever it was and tell him or her to take back what they said.

"A classmate said that professor gave us extra work for our break. I have to go back earlier than planned."

Judai stares at Johan's phone still on his hand. "Can you just do that here?"

"The information can only be gotten from our school, it's mostly about our school, so that make sense." Johan smiles at Judai's intense glare at his phone. _He's probably contemplating on how to make me stay. _Johan thought. _Impossible, he is not the Judai I knew._

Judai looks up to Johan, trying to hide the disappointment on his face. He's going to make Johan stay, but of course, he will not whim or cry or be adorable, that's what kids do. He will give Johan rational excuses so he will stay. He'll play it smoothly. "So when are you going back to Europe?"

Johan appears to be thinking. "This week?" Judai's felt his blood drain. "Either Friday or Saturday. The paper is due on Tuesday."

He needs to put a plan into action. "Don't you think it's a little unfair of your professor?" He caught Johan's attention. "Wasn't he thinking that he might have students who had vacation outside Europe?"

Johan inhales deeply. "Well, think of my professor as a boss and I'm his employee. I have to follow him to keep my job." _Two can play this game of being mature. _Johan thought.

"He is being inconsiderate. He gave you an assignment about your own school. How are you supposed to learn on that assignment?"

Johan turns to face Judai completely. He sees a glint of desperation in Judai's eyes. But he wasn't showing it, it doesn't count. "I'm a history major Judai. Every little detail is important to complete a particular timeline."

"Can you just ask a classmate to send you those informations?" Judai didn't notice how small his voice became. At least it did until he noticed something. "What kind of classmate will call you across the continent for that?" Judai feels his body heating, a liter of bile dancing in his stomach. He's nervous. He knows it. There are more possibilities than Johan leaving earlier and a less chance of fixing things with him before he goes. There is that nagging thought, of Johan being available to other onlookers. Like that classmate on the phone.

"A concerned classmate Judai, that's all." Judai want to tell him that classmate is probably planning to court Johan anytime soon. Someone help that guy if he will do as much as make a move on Johan. He will see himself face with black—totally black. "It's a girl, if you are wondering."

Judai crossed his arms, fighting off the blush of the embarrassed on his face. "Much less so, you fall in love to a person not a gender." He felt silly for thinking it was a guy. He knows he doesn't have the right to not let Johan date people, but he still have the right to fight for him though.

Judai is looking away when a genuine smile appear in Johan's face. "I'm college student though, and college is training to the real world, so I have to go back there."

"I had the real world in my shoulders before; even now I still feel the weight." He turns to look at Johan. He throws his hands in the air. "Look at what I'm doing. I'm like the world's guardian." By now, Judai is pulling the strings he can manage.

"Maybe… so you can put it like this."

Judai straighten his poise to listen carefully. He is preparing himself to Johan's inevitable speech that will make him agree to him. But he will stand on his ground, a mature man has one word—the professor is inconsiderate.

"Hypothetically speaking, I am you. My professor is in Europe being galloped by dark forces because he is so _inconsiderate_. So as the world's super hero I will fly to Europe and save him." Johan finished with a big grin on his face.

"I'll forget being the _world's super hero_ and let the dark forces take him." Judai said with an amused smile on his face, but he is serious on what he said though.

"Aren't you going to be nice and save him? You can stop the dark forces from hurting other people."

That's true. And as a mature adult, he will save that guy by stopping the dark forces. And by doing so, he will be able to prevent more damage and learn who is starting the attacks. "True. But the darkness might just be giving your professor his sentence. So I will go there and find out. It might be the light trying to blind him and be inconsiderate."

"Very well then."

"Well, you are going." He fakes a smile. "You are growing up. A mature decision, that's a… way to success."

Johan frowns. "I… I have a feeling you've been using that word a lot."

"What word?"

"The word… mature?"

Judai nods his head, secretly happy that Johan notice his maturity. "It's a practice. I need to put it in my head so I'll act on it more."

Johan doesn't look impressed and that made Judai wonder and anxious. He knows Johan wants a mature guy and that only drives him up to do so. "Don't force yourself, maybe? It's something to learn."

"Johan, I don't have time to learn. Little sparks of the dark and light are scattered everywhere. There are decisions to be made." Judai's voice is rising. "I don't have time to wait, it might be too late. You never know what's around you. I have to be serious every step. I will not be impulsive and childish because this is a serious matter." He finished, heavily panting.

Johan stares at Judai for a whole minute; every second stickling on Judai's skin, every second calms him. This is better than being judged. Because he is sure as ever not forcing himself, he's just maturing fast. That's two different matters. "Just… don't push yourself too much Judai, alright?"

"Yeah…" Judai nodded and looked down. "I'm improving myself for the good."

"I care about you Judai. Let's eat? I'm hungry." Johan smiles and it made Judai's world a little bit brighter.

"Yeah, me too."

"Alright, let's go?" Johan started walking through the way where he knows a cafeteria is located.

Judai caught Johan's hand, stopping him on his tracks. "No, Johan," He turn around with a smile. "I mean… I care about you too. A lot."

Johan nods, a glint of happiness appearing in his eyes. "Fried shrimp?"

Judai nods and happily letting Johan tighten his grip on his hand as they made their way to the nearest cafeteria they know that sell fried shrimps. It will be a lot of eating, as Judai will chew while thinking of ways to prove to Johan that he is the mature guy he wants to be with. He knows he will think of a great way. He and Johan will be together again, if their holding hands are any indication, they are really will.


End file.
